I Can Only Regulate What I Can Detect

Got it, leaving the name alone then.

A lot of neurodivergent people already know how to regulate.

We've read the books. Saved the posts. Learned the breathing exercises. Bought the sensory tools. We know we should rest earlier, take a break, eat something, turn the lights down, stop agreeing to things, and leave before we're running on empty.

The problem isn't knowing what to do. It's realizing when we need to do it, and being able to do it while we still can.

I've been there many times, more than I can count. I've read the strategies. I can list the grounding techniques, breathing patterns, sensory tools, and coping skills. But in real life, I often don't notice I'm reaching my limit until I'm already there, or very close.

That gap has a lot to do with interoception and alexithymia.

Interoception is how we notice what's happening inside our bodies: hunger, tension, fatigue, heat, shallow breathing, a racing heart, rising stress.

Alexithymia can make it hard to identify what those sensations mean, or to put language around what we're feeling.

When both are involved, self-regulation becomes a kind of guesswork. The body may be sending signals, but they're quiet, unclear, or written in a language we're still learning. By the time the message comes through as "something is wrong," the situation already feels like too much.

It isn't a lack of willpower. It's not being able to see the data.

You can't respond to a tightening jaw you haven't noticed. You can't adjust for fatigue that hasn't registered yet. You can't use your coping skills when your brain is already in emergency mode and those skills aren't accessible anymore.

Energy matters here, too.

Masking, managing sensory input, decoding conversations, making decisions, and getting through ordinary responsibilities all use executive energy. As that energy runs low, it gets harder to notice what's happening, understand it, and choose what to do next.

It's like trying to find the light switch after the power has already gone out.

That's why "being more consistent" is often the wrong goal. The issue isn't always motivation or discipline. It may be timing.

I can only regulate what I can detect.

What helps me is creating ways to notice sooner: small check-ins during the day, external reminders, tracking patterns, and paying attention to changes before they become emergencies.

When I thought about how to support clients between sessions, I kept coming back to this gap. How do you make decisions based on your energy when you don't reliably notice what your energy is doing until it's already gone?

That's part of why I built the energy pacing app included with What Now, in Practice.

The app helps turn a vague feeling like "I think I'm okay" or "I should probably be able to do this" into something more concrete.

One client tracked her energy on a simple scale from 1 to 10. She realized a 2 didn't mean she'd failed to get ready. It meant she could shower, skip makeup, and let that be enough.

A 3 meant she could shower, put on makeup, and do one additional thing that day, like the dishes or spending time outside.

A 4 meant she might be able to go out, trim the roses, make dinner, or do more outside the house, but she also knew that pushing too far could mean crashing the next day.

The number itself wasn't the important part. What mattered was that she had a clearer way to understand what her energy meant in practice. Instead of deciding based on what she thought she should be able to do, she could choose based on the energy she actually had.

The goal isn't to measure yourself perfectly or regulate flawlessly. It's to have enough information to make a different decision while you still can.

Want help turning "I should be able to" into a clearer sense of what today can actually hold? The energy pacing app is included with What Now, in Practice.

You can check it out here.